I mowed my front yard today.
In the grander scheme of things, maybe that doesn't sound all that impressive.
A year ago that would have been physically impossible. I could barely walk. I could handle going forward on a straight line. If I wanted to turn I had to progressively bend the line.
Turning around took ages. Standing up from a seated position and walking was a crap shoot. I had to grab the nearest surface to pull myself forward or balance myself to turn. I stood at the top of the stairs and experienced the telescoping pull of vertigo.
The Parkinsons was getting the best of me.
Physical Therapy gave me some weapons. 1-2-3-Step. Ah-ah-ah-ah-Walking-Now-I'm-Walking-Now. (Staying Alive if you're not hearing it.) Jazz Hands and playing Simon with light censors suctioned cupped to a mirror wall. Table exercises. Grape Vines. These exercises and activities and others kept my muscles from atrophying. I was grateful to be out, to be active, but I was also overly worried I'd have some sort of seizure or panic attack. Sometimes stepping out of the. bathroom triggered something inside of me and my heart would race. I couldn't understand why this would happen to me. One night, unable to sleep, I stared at the ceiling and I realized that for so long I had been this Bigger-Than-Life-Personality and when I developed Parkinsons I withdrew. I didn't know that version of me anymore. I retired because I didn't wan t to seem feeble. I had a real struggle with how people saw me now. Shaky hands and frozen legs. I pushed myself to keep up with PT.
Deep down inside, it didn't feel like I was getting any better.
You don't get better from Parkinsons.
During all of this, I was taking a blood pressure medication that made my legs swell. I was on a low dosage of a Parkinsons medication because the higher dose exasperated my gambling habit. I could barely walk and I was driving to my bank to deposit cash to cover my ass. My neurologist finally convinced me to go on a supplementary Parkinsons drug. At the same time, my primary care doctor switched my blood pressure meds. The swelling went down. The gambling stopped. My neurologist sent me to a movement specialist. I started walking our dog around the backyard. I went back to physical therapy and passed every test to the point my trainers said, 'We got nothing left for you. You've outscored all the previous tests. Find a dance class or something.'
Things improved.
I still have little bouts of anxiety. I'm not that guy who ran speech activities in Michigan any more. Maybe some day I'll find something that I can rock like I did with MIFA, MSCI, MASC. I don't think I need to but if I wanted to, I could.
Just like mowing my front lawn.
STUMPSTONE QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world’s great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.--Norman Maclean
No comments:
Post a Comment